Amongst these was a Naval Airman called Scouse M*****, who I think worked in the main galley, and it was he who one day had the gross misfortune to be pulled over for a vehicle spot-check just before leaving the camp. The RPO in charge of the check-point rummaged through the boot of his car and gleefully started pulling out various foodstuffs that had found their way into Scouse´s possession. Not having an acceptable answer as to how & why the food got there, Scouse did not pass Go, did not collect £200, but DID go directly to jail, spending the next couple of days in cells while his warrant was prepared.

Come the day, Lower Deck was duly cleared and his warrant was read in the Drill Shed in front of about 100 freezing cold matelots & wrens, mainly Ship´s Company & staff from the Admin Block. Even the Buffer´s Party´s gash cart was there. The trouble was, none of us were prepared for what was about to be read out. Scouse took his one-pace-forward, minus cap, and it immediately became apparent that the dastardly deed had been committed at or just after breakfast time, because the warrant went into the absolute minutest details of the contents of Scouse´s swag-bag: Eggs, trays of 36, 2 in number; Sausages, Pork, uncooked, 10 in number; Sausages, Pork, cooked, 16 in number; Bacon rashers, back, uncooked, 20 in number; Bacon rashers, collar, cooked, 22 in number; Baked beans, tins of, 5 in number; Pudding, Black, large, 2 in number; Bread, loaves, sliced, 2 in number; Bread, slices, toasted, 2 in number (must´ve been Scouse´s egg & bacon sarnie), etc etc etc. The list seemed endless. As can be imagined, the sniggering & giggling didn´t take long to get underway, and it spread pretty rapidly. Ever-alert Reg staff standing behind the miscreant gave steely stares and made mental notes of who found this thievery of H.M. victuals amusing, with a view to giving them a chance to explain what´s so funny at Jimmy´s Table the following day. I´ll always remember one of the girls in the wrens platoon who´d turned red and whose tears of laughter had made what little make-up she was wearing run. How she´d managed not to laugh out loud I´ll never know.

However, at the end of the warrant, with Scouse himself still smirking despite his pending 28 days as a guest of Her Majesty, all the platoons marched out at a pace that would´ve put the Light Infantry to shame and dispersed in double-quick time. Back in the mess we collapsed onto our pits in fits of laughter......it truly was one of those ´you had to be there´ moments!!

* I´ve not given Scouse´s surname as a matter of courtesy!!

** Thinking back, I´m not sure why there were Wrens present at the warrant reading, because in those days they weren´t subject to the Naval Discipline Act (remember that, historically, the purpose of reading a warrant in front of the Ship´s Company is to remind them of what can happen if they step out of line.....It´s intended to act as a direct threat). I can only conclude that they were there just to make up the numbers.