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Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar. Tiger turns to Stevie and > > says, > >> "How’s the singing career going?" > >> > >> Stevie replies, "Not too bad... How’s the golf?" > >> > >> Woods replies, "Not too bad, I’ve had some problems with my swing, but I > >> think I’ve got that right now". > >> > >> Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop > >> playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, > >> it > >> seems to be all right." > >> > >> Tiger says, "You play golf?" > >> > >> Stevie says, "Yes, I’ve been playing for years". > >> > >> Tiger says, "But, you’re blind. How can you play golf if you can’t see?" > >> > >> Stevie Wonder replies, "I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the > > fairway > >> and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball > >> towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to > >> the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards > > his > >> voice." > >> > >> "But, how do you putt?" asks Tiger > >> > >> "Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole > >> and > >> call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards > > his > >> voice." > >> > >> Tiger asks, "What’s your handicap?" > >> > >> Stevie says, "Well, I’m a scratch golfer." > >> > >> Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We’ve got to play a round sometime." > >> > >> Wonder replies, "Well, people don’t take me seriously, so I only play for > >> money, and never play for less than $10,000 a > >> hole". > >> > >> Woods thinks about it and says, "OK, I’m game for that, - when would you > >> like to play?" > >> > >> Stevie says, "Pick a night
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BIT OF BRITISH HISTORY
Why the English wore red coats in battle
A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured an English colonel. They took him to their headquarters, and the French general began to question him.
Finally, as an afterthought, the French general asked, Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don’t you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at.
In his bland English way, the officer informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won’t show, and the men they are leading won’t panic.
And that is why, from that day to this, all French Army officers wear brown trousers.
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Quoting: thomas fleming Why the English wore red coats in battle
A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured an English colonel. They took him to their headquarters, and the French general began to question him.
Finally, as an afterthought, the French general asked, Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don’t you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at.
In his bland English way, the officer informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won’t show, and the men they are leading won’t panic.
And that is why, from that day to this, all French Army officers wear brown trousers.
Good one Thomas
A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The admiral shouted, "Hey, don’t put that stuff on me! My wife will think I’ve been in a whorehouse!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
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One day Jesus was walking by the pearly gates when St. Peter asked him to watch the gates for a few minutes. Jesus agreed and after a few minutes he saw an old, old man approach. He walked very slowly, had a halting gait, and long white hair and beard.
"How did you spend your life on earth my son?" asked Jesus.
"I was a simple carpenter for sixty years" replied the old man.
"And what do you hope to find here in heaven" asked Jesus.
"I hope to find my son" said the man
"Well" replied Jesus," there are millions upon millions of people here, how will you find him?"
"I’ll recognize him by the nail holes in his hands and feet," stated the old man.
Jesus does a double take, thinks for a moment and says,
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Fire truck
Firefighter is working on the machine outside the station when he notices the little girl from next door, in a little red truck with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a Firefighter’s helmet. The truck is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The Firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That`s a nice fire engine" the Firefighter says with admiration. "Thanks" the girl says. The Firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles. "Young Lady", the Firefighter says, "I don’t want to tell you how to run your fire station, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar too, I think you could go faster". The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You’re probably right, but then I wouldn’t have a siren."
