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Alan Anthony Yuill
"Silver Surfer"

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What do you call a Welshman with 500 girl friends?

A Shepherd.

Where does virgin wool come from?

Ugly sheep.

Why are Border Collies so quick on their feet?

They’ve seen what happens to slow sheep.

Smile and you will always be happy.

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19/06/2012 04:53:52

john daly
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Surgeon to Patient. I am going to remove this small Mole from your arm this morning and Oh by the way this afternoon i will be attempting to remove a large part of your Colon and make an incision in your side to that you will pass your urine into a Bag for the rest of your life.
Terrified Patient "Erm is there any alternative Doc.

Doctor. "Yes there is an alternative "Stop shagging my wife"...........................................

The wife and I have started going to a Marriage guidance councellor to try and find out where we are going wrong. Tomorrow is the 7th. x 1 hour sessions and the professor has promised to let me speak this time.

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21/06/2012 19:01:25

thomas fleming
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I BELIEVE ON HAVING A LAUGH.

I believe that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is to stalk them and hope they give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care,
Some people are just Ar***oles.

I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust,
And it takes Suspicion not Proof to destroy it.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for 15 minutes.
After that you’d better have a Big willy or huge boobs.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others.
They are more screwed up than you think.

I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think your finished.

I’ve learned that we’re responsible for what we do unless,
We’re Celebrities or a Politician.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relation is at first the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take it’s place.

I’ve learned that 99% of time when something isn’t working in your house.
One of the kids did it.

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21/06/2012 19:22:12

thomas fleming
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Female Philosphy.
The things one over hears from them

"Your a widower aren’t you?"
"I am and may he rest in peace...Till I get there.

"Has there been any insanity in your family?
"Yeah, my husband thinks he’s the boss."

"I always let my husband do all the talking.
I just do the contradiction"

We women know why men go fishing, because it’s the only time anyone
says, WOW, thats a big one.

We women are angels, when someone breaks our wings,
we simly continue to fly....
One our broom-sticks, we are so flexible like that.

Get your own back. try this.
I found the neatest way to make my wife a more careful driver.
I pointed out that if she’s ever in a accident, the paper’s gonna print her real age.

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21/06/2012 19:44:57

thomas fleming
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Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.

On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

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21/06/2012 19:47:06

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