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The Indian With One Testicle
There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was ’Onestone’. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,’ If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!’ The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, ’Good morning, Onestone.’ He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day,until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no One dared call him by his given name until A woman named Yellow Bird returned To the village after being away. Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird’s cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, ’Good to see you, Onestone.’ Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, butYellow Bird wouldn’t die!
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An elderly couple go into the Doctors surgery, Do you think we could have sex in here and you could tell us if we are doing it right.? The Doctor says "This is irregular but anyway go ahead." Aftewards he charges them £50. next week they are back again, same request. This goes on for a few weeks until the Doctor asks the old man "Look whats going on?, you are here each week and you seem to know exactly what goes where"
The old man says " Ok. Doc. I am married so we can’t go to my house, she is married so we can’t go to hers, The Hiton is £85. the Travelodge is £65. You charge £50 and i get £26 back from B.U.P.A.
Paddy came round and proudly showed me his Holiday Photos he took with his New camera.
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The Lone Rangers last Request.
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So you are the Lone Ranger, in honour of the Harvest Festible, you will be executed in three days. Before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is you first request?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I’d like to talk to my horse." The Chief nods, and Silver is bought before the Lone Ranger who whispers into Silvers ear, and the horse gallops away.
Late that evening, Silver returns with a brautiful blonde on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night there.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he’s impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days, what is your seconed request?"
The Lone Ranger again ask’s to speak to his horse, Silver is brought forward to him, and again whispers in the horses ear. As before Silver takes off and disapears over the horizen.
Later that evening, to the Chief’s surprise, Silver again returns with a voluptuose brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night there.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, But, I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your last request???"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I would like to speak to my horse alone". The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Rangers tent. As they are alone, The Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him squre in the eyes and says, "Read My lips!! For the last time!! bring Me Posse".
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Hieroglyphics. You have to imagine first. A woman, Donkey, a spade, A fish and a Star.
Written across the wall of a cave were some symbols. It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least 3000 years old!
The piece of wall was removed, brought to the musem, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols.
They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The President of the society pointed to the first drawing and said.
"This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn’t grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.."
The audience applauded enthusiastically.
Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and aaid, "Idiots......Hebrew is read from right to left........ It says.........
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a korean couple are sitting watching tv when the guy fa*ts continuously stinking out the whole room. "thats disgusting " shouts the girl "its not me its the dog"the guy claims "dont you dare blame the dog it was cooked perfectly"!!!
