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john daly
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Paddy met his girl friend and took her to the Cinema, it was a double bill "Titanic and Poisdon" Mary said i have seen both of these but i don’t mind seeing them again. Paddy said O.K. but promise me you won’t tell me what they are about or the endings.

My Chinese Pal said "I am going out on the Pull tonight" he has a Rickshaw business.

Went fishing for the first time with my neighbour.
On the river bank he said "Why don’t you open a can of worms?". So i said The milkman goes into your house 10 mins. after you have left for work every day and your eldest lad is knocking about with a Homesexual barman down at the Black Swan
Well he really threw a Wobbler, turns out he was talking something about Fish bait.......

I phoned the Hospital and asked the girl how my Missus was doing after the "Tummy Tuck" Operation and what room she was ?. The girl answered, "She has not had the operation yet so is still in Rooms 3. 4. and 5.

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21/03/2012 14:44:59

john daly
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Wayne Rooneys house was on fire last night and the fireman couldn’t save the library. Both his books were lost. Wayne apparently was upset because he had only just started colouring one of them in.

First day on the Job as a Police man the Sgt. sent me to a Robbery. "Now then Madam what seems to be the trouble?" she was holding an empty wallet and said to me "I’ve lost fifty pounds" so i said Blimey how fat were you before then.

The Sgt. said to me "Out you go 49 and have a word with the lady who is complaining about a Flasher. So i went and this old lady took me upstairs " I am glad you have come today as i am going to live with my daughter tomorrow." What is the problem Madam?.
Its the Man opposite every afternoon he comes to the window and plays with himself in full view" I looked at the time and it was ten past four and i couldent see any Flasher. when i told the old lady she said "Well what do you expect stood there Silly, climb up on to the top of the Wardrobe

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21/03/2012 15:03:44

john daly
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Me and the wife ran into the Dentists this morning, I told him Look doc we have an important game of golf starting at 10. o’clock and its 9.30 now. I need a tooth pulling out so forget the anesthetic or painkillers, just go ahead and yank it out.
The Dentist said well its rather irregular and very painful but if that’s what you want lets go.
I said O.K. turning to the wife i said Open your mouth Love and show the doc. which one.

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21/03/2012 21:59:51

john daly
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One of the Budget measures announced yesterday is the "Granny tax", Wayne Rooney is reported to be furious.

The Irish Sky news has just reported reports of Heavy Shelling Coming from the Birds Eye Pea Factory..

The 9. pm. Watershed was ignored yesterday when the Chancellor announced he was going to F...k Pensioners on daytime T.V..

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22/03/2012 19:58:11

john daly
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Came home and the wife said "After dinner do you fancy some Sport Relief" I wolfed down my meal and now she tells me its on BBC1 at 7 0clock.

Jewish girl marries a Paddy and after the Honeymoon she phones her Mother. "Oh Mama the Honeymoon was wonderful he was so romantic and caring. The following day she phones again "Mama please come and get me, he is using filthy four letter words, please come and get me."
Mama says Darling some men are like that they swear a lot but youare married now, you have made your bed you must lie on it. "Oh but what are these dirty four letter words you can tell Mama"

O.K. Mama be prepared........ He keeps saying words like "Dust, Wash, Iron and Cook"

Mama says" The Beast, dont worry i will be there in 20 minutes".

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23/03/2012 20:03:33

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