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Forces Reunited - SCOUSE HUMOUR
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john daly
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What do you call an Asian  Plasterer?....... Artex Sing.

Next time you see a Man doing a crossword lean over his shoulder and say "7 UP is Lemonade.

Sat doing a crossword i said  clue "Tired Postman",
my knowitall Mate said "How many Letters"   I replied happily "Two Facking Big Bags full"


Went into a Bar and asked the Barman for a double, he came out of the back with a Fellow that looked just like me..

In our street i saw a crowd gathered round a Motor cyclist who had just come off his bike, "Let me through, Let me through please" i cried.   Are you a Doctor screamed a Women? No i said "I just want my Pizza"


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17/03/2012 13:24:28
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thomas fleming
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A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in progress.
A sign  read: ’Don’t Miss Bruce The Amazing Scotsman’. The salesman bought a  ticket and sat down.There,  on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it.Standing  next to it was an old Scotsman.Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out a huge willy and smashed all  three walnuts with three mighty swings!

The  crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the  shoulders of the crowd.

Ten  years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw a faded poster for the same circus and the same sign’Don’t Miss Bruce The Amazing Scotsman’.He  couldn’t believe the old guy was still alive, much less still doing his  act!
He  bought a ticket. Again, the centre ring was illuminated.
This  time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the  table.
The  Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and shattered the  coconuts with three swings of his amazing member.The  crowd went wild!
Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.
’You’re  incredible!’ he told the Scotsman. ’But I have to know  somthing You’re older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts
’Well  laddie,’ said the Scot, ’Ma eyes are nae whit they used tae be.’
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18/03/2012 15:14:57
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john daly
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TodayLive on I.T.V.
 
Liverpool 1. Stoke City 1. (Half time)
  Suarez for the Pool and Crouch for City.

 Commentator says "Pete Crouch can be quite a Handful when he pulls away at the far post."

Well what can one say??.
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18/03/2012 16:59:45
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thomas fleming
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Marrige is like a deck of cards.
 
When you start out all you need are two hearts and a diamond
 
but soon you wish you had a club and a spade.  
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19/03/2012 17:45:06
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john daly
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I was enjoying a good sleep on Sat. afternoon when i was rudely awakened by a Saleman. "Hello Sir"  I said Whats your game ? can’t you see i am enjoying a kip and you have woken me up.   "Yes Sir but do you think you might  buy this bed and besides we are ready to close the store"

A Gay Wizard goes into a Gay Bar and lights a cigarette,after a minute he disapeared with a Poof of Smoke


Semi final, the crowd are going wild.
The manager said to me "Look  son as we are 2 nil. down and there is only 25 mins. to go  get on and I want you  to take a forward role"     I said O.K. Boss thats easy perhaps you would like me to do a couple of back flips as well
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19/03/2012 20:57:01
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