|John Daly ....|
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|Two Paddy’s sat in a Pub, one says to the other "What would you do if you had Richard Bran-sons money?" Murphy says Sure I’d spend it quickly before he found out.|
Walking through town and passing a young fellow sat on the floor with a Guitar, a dog and he held up a bucket with coins in and said "Spare change", Well i thought how nice so i took a handful and treat myself to a McDonald’s Burger.
I was sat in a cafe having a bowl of spaghetti hoops soup when in walked Meatloaf, he sat down and without a word "Took the words right our of my mouth"
My wife has left me and the kids ’cos she says i am obsessed with Ike and Tina Turner.
I told her "I hope you are proud Mary"
The golf pro. says to the learner "Right today we are going on the course and see how you are"
They go on the first Tee and the Learner swings, slices the ball, it shoots off, hits a tree then ricochets across the road, through the windscreen of a Bus on which the driver loses control, careers across the road taking a stream of cars down an embankment and then catches Fire.
The young golfer is distraught at seeing this carnage and sobs "God what am i to do what can i do!!" The pro says "Well for a start you should perhaps stand a little way back from the ball and spread your legs as you swing"