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Forces Reunited - SCOUSE HUMOUR
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jack higgin
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scouse humour


 Little lad in Liverpool shouts " hey Ma why’s my Liverpool football shirt on the ground in the back yard"Ma replies " some thieving swine stole the clothes pegs"

Last edited by jack higgin
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23/09/2010 00:01:30
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John (scouse) Hirons
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An alien spaceship landed in Anfield, it had to take off again - no atmosphere.

A situation may be desperate but never serious
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23/09/2010 00:27:16
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john daly
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Quoting: Alan Anthony Yuill
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man’s chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That’s what puzzles me!"  


Doctor says to patient, Walk to the window and stick your tounge out.  Patient does so and asks Why Doc?.  He replies Cos i dont like the people opposite...
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23/09/2010 10:02:07
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thomas fleming
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Your duck is dead



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your Duck is Dead:

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said; "I’m sorry, your duck (Cuddles) has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed; "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead." replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around, and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table, and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, and stroll led out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said; "I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried; "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!?"

The vet shrugged; "I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but.....with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now £150  

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23/09/2010 14:18:35
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thomas fleming
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paddy

The police stopped Paddy last night and asked him where he was between 6 & 11?
He said, "primary school
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23/09/2010 14:20:35
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