Membership Level: Full
I remember seeing a TV programme a long time ago where a surgeon was asked about odd events in casualty wards.
He told the interviewer about such things as a popular 4" model vibrator being retrieved from certain orifices and endured the expected comment about ’Hope the batteries had run out’ after hearing that some were in situ for months before the patient plucked up courage to present themselves at Hospital.
The piece de resistance was, however, when he told about people using a vacuum cleaner for personal gratification. How’s that for a euphemism?
There used to be, may still be for all I know, a Hoover product called the Dustette. A small vacuum designed for furniture, curtains etc it had a five inch pipe and was held in one hand.
He said the number of explanations offered in similar vein like, ’Well I was just cleaning the curtains you see, and I only had my dressing gown on you see, and somehow it fell open and ’it’ sort of fell in!!!!!!’. You may wish to hazard a guess as to the sexual orientation of many of the hapless patients as described by the surgeon.
The surgeon explained further that the pipe was five inches long, the average ’john thomas’ is six inches long and at the inner end of the tube there is a fan. It is stamped out from tin plate, has very sharp and jagged edges and rotates at a high rate of knots.
Brings tears to your eyes!!!!!
Aut cursu, aut cominus armis