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Mike Pass
"Numquam praestiti"

Membership Level: Full
Posts: 12427
Status: Offline
Son of Nasi Goreng

Let it be known that ’Filius of Pergamentum’ (or ’Son of Rubbish’ for those who have still not worked it out!) has been consigned to the nearest landfill.
FOP is dead............long live SONG!

I will not bore you with the ’rules’ of this thread again. (they can be found in post one of FOP anyway and, they are still current. I will reiterate two things comma however.

Firstly: Do not start an argument on this thread or
           I will have it removed. No discussion on

Secondly: Serious topics, particularly religion
                and politics have no place on this
                thread, excepting where a serious
                statement needs to be made to
                establish a humorous point.


Er! Three things....I will reiterate three things comma however.

Firstly: Do not start an argument on this thread or
           I will have it removed. No discussion on

Secondly: Serious topics have no place on this
                thread, excepting where a serious
                statement needs to be made to
                establish a humorous point.

Thirdly: The use of the word ’however’ (in all
            instances except this one, must be
            preceded by the word ’comma’ and,
            followed by same where the word in
            question falls within the text of a sentence.
                  Where the word in question falls at the
            commencement of a sentence it must be
            followed by the word ’comma’
            Where it falls at the end of a sentence it
            must be preceded by the word ’comma’.

This latter rule is bound in antiquity and was formulated at the behest of Centurion Terrentius Carey on his promotion from Legionnaire. in AD 144 when construction of Hadrian’s Wall was completed.
Known as Terrace among the cohorts of the VI Legion, Carey was then given the onerous responsibility of overseeing the laying of the cobbled section of the M. VI in Lancashire. This section is, of course, still in it’s original state as I speak.

Should there be any confusion as to the lineage of said Centurion, please avoid confusion. The poster formally known as Terry Carey is indeed, the original Centurion as featured in the above precis and not a descendant.
(Good, that’s got the boring history bit out of the way!)

Now; as we are wont to discuss an abundance of secular matters on this series of threads, you may wish to join me in the following..........................

Yesterday, I was most fortunate in the receiving of an item of New Zealand manufactured confectionery......Namely a chocolate Haka Bar!
As I typed the intro to this thread I consumed said treat. I have to thank the  Rev. Roger Perry (aka the Chocolate Vicar) for transporting this tasty sweet to my door (used to be the other way around at one time did it not!!!??) from NZ.

I have made it clear on another thread that I do not  subscribe to religion as it is known by Christian believers, comma however comma if I were to declare a devotion to any god, it would most definitely be one made of chocolate!

What has concerned me greatly over the last 20 years comma however comma is the lack of integrity shown by the major confectionery manufacturers when it comes to consistency of production.
Yes! I am well aware that, as the cost of living rises then the prices of retail chocolate is obliged to join it.
But (oohh mammy, look what he did then!!!) should it have been accepted by the consuming public in the way that it was foisted upon us????
     I refer to the statement made by Cadbury’s in 1982/83 where they promised the public that they had no intention of raising their prices concurrent with the market fluctuations (fluc to you europeans as well, says my Chinese cousin!!! Yes I really do have a Chinese cousin) .

What did they do instead????? After very ’quiet’ meetings with Mars and Rowntrees, as they were at the time, they virtually halved the size of various count lines (a count line is a single unit of confectionery as opposed to a multipack...the type you find mostly in supermarkets).

Following this ’Night of the Long Knives’ (which did more damage than the first one!) a Mars bar was the size that a Milky Way had been, earlier. A Turkish Delight was not only less in square area, it was also two thirds the thickness of what it had been prior to the action.

I found the shock impossible to bear and spent several weeks in Wolverhampton New Cross hospital on a liquid cocoa drip!
By the time I was discharged, the gullible British public had accepted the situation as a fait accompli and I failed abysmally to raise an army of insurrection to overthrow the chocolate magnates of the UK.

To this day I cannot but shed a tear when looking upon the excuse that is now a  Cadbury’s one time it could be used for pole vaulting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is the earliest chocolate bar you can recall????
I am sure that many of you can get further back than my ’Five Boys’ (later to become the variants: Fry’s Chocolate Cream and Five Fruits..............................

In closing this opening (!) thread, can I also remind potential contributors that diversion is encouraged on this thread to avoid stagnation (and waffle!).
Also it would be a nice progression if posters were to make more use of attachments with their posts.
They do not need to have any relevance to your post.

(’Snagging’ shot, taken prior to the commissioning of the Lancs. section of the M.VI .................)

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Last edited by Mike Pass

You can’t train stupid!
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31/05/2009 15:39:15
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sheila ormiston

Membership Level: Basic
Posts: 8691
Status: Offline
While awaiting some illumination on the progress of young Goreng comma I refer to Sim comma the youngest of Nosi’s iluustrious family who is comma unfortunately comma educationally challenged and comma therefore known as Dim Sim.
A tenuous link to the thread springs to my mind.  I am bound to give warning that following may give offence.  It could be viewed as definitely non-P.C. or just plain tasteless.  If the latter I shall accept banishment from F.R. with the thought comma in the words of a well known song "freedom is having nothing to lose".
My story begins with Bruce 1 walking along the road whistling Waltzing Matilda.  Towards him comes Bruce 2 who appears to be covered in rice.
G’day Bruce says Bruce 1 comma been to a wedding mate he enquires.  No says Bruce 2 comma A chinaman threw up over me.

Sheila McKean.
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31/05/2009 17:18:12
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Arthur(Roly) Rowsell

Membership Level: Full
Posts: 12379
Status: Offline
Sirs and Mesdames (comma)
Your room is ready for occupation(full stop)

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Consult the veteran, not the incompetent Politicians.
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31/05/2009 22:10:18
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Mike Pass
"Numquam praestiti"

Membership Level: Full
Posts: 12427
Status: Offline

An interesting holiday apartment Arthur. I am sure that Ant and Dec will take advantage of it later in the year.

Just a quick point brethren............When I intimated that diversion was good for the soul, I was not quite thinking in terms of a different topic in every post. (Or as the old ad. for Topic went...."What has a hazel nut in every bite?......SQUIRREL SH*T!).


You can’t train stupid!
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01/06/2009 08:17:05
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John (scouse) Hirons
"The Dingbat"

Membership Level: Full
Posts: 11649
Status: Offline
Ladels & Jellyspoons whilst perusing the web I ran across this little gem, it may by Yank but it does ring bells. Read on;

Rules of Engagement in Today’s Army

Scenario: A PFC is walking down the road to a porta potty and is confronted with a 10-year old boy in enemy territory pointing a gun at him.

1. The soldier will request permission to fire from his platoon sergeant.

2. The platoon sergeant will ask the platoon leader.

3. The platoon leader will ask the company commander. The CO will call the battalion commander and ask for permission to fire.

4. The Bn Cdr will call the Bde Cdr to get permission to fire.

5. The Bde Cdr will call division and speak to a person in the G3 shop.

6. The G3 personnel will immediately start working on a slide presentation in powerpoint to present to the Commanding General on his options.

7. The slides will first be briefed to the Chief of Staff and will be sent back for revisions.

8. After 90 different versions have been completed, the Chief of Staff will finally approve the slides.

9. The CG will be presented slide presentation and will call Corps to ask the corps commander for permission to fire.

10. The G3 staff will fax a copy of the presentation to the corps G3 who will in turn ask for a copy to be sent by courier because the first copy got sent to the wrong fax number.

11. The poor captain who sent the fax to corps will be given a bad OER because he should have known that the fax number given to him by a colonel at corps was the wrong number.

12. Corps G3 finally receives the slide presentation and has his staff work on a corps presentation to give to the corps commander.

13. The corps commander is briefed, accepts his staffs proposal that the soldier should fire back, but has to call the Army commander to get permission.

14. The Army commander asks the corps commander to fax him all the information he has on the incident and he will get back to him.

15. The Army commander never receives the information.

16. Division is notified that the information did not reach Army so that poor captain with the bad OER is ordered to fax a copy of the slides to Army, the Pentagon, and the White House.

17. The Army commander finally receives the slides and says he will have to call the Army group commander for permission to fire.

18. The Army Group commander listens to the Army commander then tells him that he will have to call the Pentagon to get permission to fire.

19. The Army Group Commander calls the Pentagon and speaks with the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs. The Chairman wants to know why some know-nothing captain from a division in theater is faxing a 200 page slide presentation to him and the president.

20. The Army Group commander tells the Chairman he will find out.

21. The Army Group commander calls the Army commander and asks why Captain Know-Nothing is faxing slides to the Pentagon and the White House.

22. The Army commander calls the corps commander and asks the same question.

23. The corps commander gets personally involved and calls directly to the division’s G3 shop and asks to speak to CPT Know-Nothing.

24. CPT Know-Nothing is given another bad OER and is reassigned to sewage control in a prisoner of war camp.

25. The Army group commander informs the Chairman that the problem is taken care of.

26. The Chairman tells the Army Group commander that he will get back to him after he holds a meeting with all of the service chiefs.

27. During the meeting, the Air Force and Navy Chiefs decide they want a part in this decision now code-named "Operation Return Fire"

28. The Chairman agrees to allow the Air Force to send two tactical fighter wings and 10 B-52s from Diego Garcia. The Chairman allows the Navy to send in 5 carrier battle groups and 3 Marine divisions. On top of all of this, the Chairman tells the service chiefs that the Army will send in two more corps, five brigades of Artillery and an armored cavalry regiment. Furthermore he will ask the Secretary of defense if 500,000 Reservist and National Guardsmen can be called up.

29. The Chairman takes all of these proposals to the Secretary of Defense who agrees and tells the Chairman to prepare a briefing for the President.

30. A colonel stays up for a week straight preparing briefing slides and charts for the President’s briefing.

31. The day of the briefing, the light bulb burns out in the White House’s projector and the colonel who worked his butt off to set up this briefing loses the command he was going to take over this summer and is forced to retire because he should have known that the light bulb would burn out.

32. Eventually a lieutenant colonel locates a light bulb and he is promoted to colonel and is offered a command this summer that suddenly becomes open.

33. The president approves Operation Return Fire, but first he wants to get "eyes on the target"

34. Navy Seal Team 6 is dispatched to the area. Upon reaching the location where the soldier reported the contact, they find the decomposed body of a dead American PFC, still clutching a hand mike to his ear, looking as if he is waiting for a response to whatever question he asked.

Walks away singing "It’s the same the whole world over......"

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A situation may be desperate but never serious
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01/06/2009 17:23:42
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