Forces Reunited - A few jokes to start the day

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www.forcesreunited.org.uk >> General >> Military Stories/Jokes >> A few jokes to start the day
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John Richards
"A Happy Poster"

Membership Level: Full
Posts: 3769
Status: Offline

A girl came up to me in Plymouth once, and said, "Hi sailor, do you fancy something really different?" I replied, "What’ve you got, leprosy?"

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03/05/2012 14:07:32

Alan Anthony Yuill
"Silver Surfer"

Membership Level: Full
Posts: 17263
Status: Offline

An old fella was celebrating 92 years on this earth. He spoke to his toes.
“Hello toes. How are you? You know, you are 92 today. Oh the times we’ve had! Remember how we walked in the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon? The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy birthday toes!
“Hello, knees. How are you? You know you’re 92 today. Oh, the times we’ve had! Remember when we marched in the parade? Oh, the hurdles we’ve jumped together. Happy birthday, knees.”
Then, he looked down at his crotch.
“Hello Willie! You little bugger. Just think. If you were alive today, you’d be 92!”

Smile and you will always be happy.

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03/05/2012 14:19:20

Alan Anthony Yuill
"Silver Surfer"

Membership Level: Full
Posts: 17263
Status: Offline

A lion in the zoo sitting there licking it’s hole.
A visitor says, "That doesn’t look very vicious to me."
"Well he is." Says the zoo keeper, "he just grabbed a Kiwi, pulled him through the fence and ate him all up."
"Is that right?" says the visitor, "he seems pretty casual, why is he licking his arse?"
And the zoo keeper says, "He’s trying to get the horrible taste out of his mouth!"

Smile and you will always be happy.

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03/05/2012 14:56:51

Alan Anthony Yuill
"Silver Surfer"

Membership Level: Full
Posts: 17263
Status: Offline

This young couple had only been married for about two weeks when the wife complains of a burning sensation in her chest. She tells her husband who suggests that she goes to the doctor to be examined. She arranges an appointment and goes the following day.
The husband, while at work receives a call from the doctor.
Doctor: "I am sorry to say your wife has acute angina..."
Husband: "Yeah, I know, she’s got a nice pair of tits too!"

Smile and you will always be happy.

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04/05/2012 01:07:39

Alan Anthony Yuill
"Silver Surfer"

Membership Level: Full
Posts: 17263
Status: Offline

Murphy says to Paddy "What ya talkin to an envelope for?" "I’m
sending a voicemail ya thick sod!"

Smile and you will always be happy.

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04/05/2012 03:32:27

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