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Forces Reunited - A few jokes to start the day
www.forcesreunited.org.uk >> General >> Military Stories/Jokes >> A few jokes to start the day
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Alan Anthony Yuill
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Medical examination..........

While examining his lady patient, the doctor tells her: "Your heart, lungs, pulse & BP

Are fine. Now let me see that little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."

The lady started taking off her clothes.....

Doctor, stopping her: "No! No! Please put on your clothes. Just show me your tongue."














Smile and you will always be happy.
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29/04/2012 15:13:45
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john daly
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West Gemany 1972.
Two West German guards are patrolling the Border with the Russian sector on the other side. They see a man hanging from a tree by the wire. As it means a lot of paperwork one guard turns to the other and says "Lets flip him over the wire and he will be in their sector, let them Commie Ba.....ds have him.

One hour later two Russian guards come along  seeing the man hanging on the wire."Comrade have a look that stubborn bugger is back again"



Got home to our flat and found the wife laid on the bed crying uncontrollably, her hair a mess and her clothes all torn.
Whats happened love i said.
" Well. she sobbed the T.V. broke down and i happened to mention it to the man upstairs as i put out the rubbish" Go on Love i said  grimly.
"He said he could fix it so i brought him in but no sooner was he in the flat he went beserk, he grabbed me and tore off my clothes, he had his hand over my mouth and threatened to kill me if i screamed. Then........he had his evil way with me.... i was helpless.
I stood up and said "Right this calls for swift action , wheres the Phone .........i will call Sky immediatly and get that T.V. fixed."

Last edited by john daly
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29/04/2012 16:45:07
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john daly
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At a Party a women walked by and called the wife "Fatty"
"I am not standing for that" she said so i asked what was she going to do about it ?.
"I am going to have a word with that bitch, here hold both of my plates of cakes"


Sat in the Pub i said Sorry Pat but i have to make a Point and tell you that i think your mate Murphy is a thief" Pat said Well but your points gone so i said "I havent made my point yet"
Pat said Sorry its my Irish accent its just that Murphy has gone off with your Pint.
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29/04/2012 18:57:24
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Alan Anthony Yuill
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A mother in law said to her sons wife when the baby was born "I don’t
mean to be rude but he doesn’t look anything like my son"

The daughter in law lifted her skirt and said "I don’t mean to be rude
either but this is a fa##y not a bloody photo copier

Smile and you will always be happy.
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29/04/2012 23:07:10
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Alan Anthony Yuill
"Silver Surfer"





Membership Level: Full
Posts: 17263
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What’s the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A man who hates every bone in a woman’s body, except his own.


Smile and you will always be happy.
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29/04/2012 23:22:05
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