Forces Reunited - A few jokes to start the day

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Alan Anthony Yuill
"Silver Surfer"

Membership Level: Full
Posts: 17263
Status: Offline

Husband: Oh, come on.
Wife: Leave me alone!
Husband: It won’t take long.
Wife: I won’t be able to sleep afterwards.
Husband: I can’t sleep without it.
Wife: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?
Husband: Because I’m Hot.
Wife: You get hot at the darnedest times.
Husband: If you love me I wouldn’t have to beg you.
Wife: If you love me you’d be more considerate.
Husband: You don’t love me anymore.
Wife: Yes I do, but let’s forget it for tonight.
Husband: Please...come on
Wife: Alright, I’ll do it.
Husband: What’s the matter? Need a flashlight?
Wife: I can’t find it.
Husband: Oh, for heaven’s sake, feel for it!
Wife: There! Are you satisfied?
Husband: Oh, yes.
Wife: Is it up far enough?
Husband: ! Oh, that’s good.
Wife: Now go to sleep, and from now on when you want the window open,
do it yourself.

Now, what were you expecting?

Smile and you will always be happy.

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15/05/2009 12:48:56

Alan Anthony Yuill
"Silver Surfer"

Membership Level: Full
Posts: 17263
Status: Offline

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?"
The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.
The man repeats himself:
"W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?"
Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him.
The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?"
And the clerk just seems to ignore him.
Finally, the guy storms off in anger.
The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "Why wouldn’t you answer that guy’s question?"
The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get the s-s-shit b-b-b-beat out of m-m-m-me?"

Smile and you will always be happy.

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16/05/2009 01:21:24

Alan Anthony Yuill
"Silver Surfer"

Membership Level: Full
Posts: 17263
Status: Offline

Best short story of the month!

Two guys are drinking in a bar.
One says, "Did you know that Lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"
"BUGGER !" says his friend. "And I just joined Rotary....."

Smile and you will always be happy.

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17/05/2009 01:02:54

Alan Anthony Yuill
"Silver Surfer"

Membership Level: Full
Posts: 17263
Status: Offline

arriages are all happy, it’s having breakfast together that causes most of the trouble.

Smile and you will always be happy.

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17/05/2009 01:20:35

Alan Anthony Yuill
"Silver Surfer"

Membership Level: Full
Posts: 17263
Status: Offline

Playing God?

It was Shrove Tuesday and Mrs Williams was making pancakes for her sons, Justin 5, and Freddy 7.

As usual, the brothers began to argue over who should get the first pancake. Their mother saw a wonderful opportunity for a moral lesson.

’If Jesus were sitting at the table, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake".’

Quick as a flash Freddy turned to Justin and said, ’Justin, today you can be Jesus!’

Smile and you will always be happy.

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17/05/2009 12:42:03

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