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One day an old lady went to the doctors because she had an itch in her crotch. She told the doctor her problem and he said, "You have crabs". She informed the doctor that it could not be crabs because she was an eighty-year-old virgin. She went to another doctor and explained her problem to him. The doctor said, "You probably have crabs." "No" she said, "I am an eighty year old virgin." Frustrated, she went to a third doctor. She said, "Doctor can you help me? I have an itch in my crotch. Don’t tell me that it’s crabs because I am an eighty year old virgin. It can’t be crabs." The doctor said, Jump on the table and let’s have a look." After examining her the doctor proclaimed, "Ma’am, you’re right, you don’t have crabs, this cherry is so old, you have fruit flies."
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The Farmer
THE MINIMUM WAGE
A man owned a small farm in Scotland . The Inland Revenue claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.
’I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,’ demanded the rep.
’Well,’ replied the farmer, ’there’s my farmhand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him £200 a week plus free room and board.’
’The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her £150 per week plus free room and board.’
’Then there’s the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about £10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.’
’That’s the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,’ says the agent.
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A man returned home from the night shift at 8 am, went straight up to the bedroom and found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, feigning sleep.
Not to be denied, the horny fellow pulled up the sheet and proceeded to make love to her.
Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee.
"How’d you get down here so fast?", he asked, "we were just making love."
"Oh my God", his wife gasped, "that’s my mother up there! She came over with a headache. I told her to lie down for a while."
Rushing upstairs, the woman ran into the bedroom.
"Why didn’t you say something!", she asked her mother.
"I haven’t spoken to that jerk in fifteen years", she huffed, "and I wasn’t about to start now!"
