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When you’re from the country you look at things a little different...........
A MISSOURI rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.
’Is yer Dad home?’ the rancher asked...
’No sir, he ain’t,’ the boy replied. ’He went into town.’
’Well,’ said the rancher, ’Is yer Mom here?’
’No, sir, she ain’t here neither. She went into town with Dad.’
’How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?’
’He went with Mom and Dad.’
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
’Is there anything I can do fer ya?’ the boy asked politely ’I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Dad.’
’Well,’ said the rancher uncomfortably, ’I really wanted to talk to yer Dad. It’s about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.’
The boy considered for a moment. ’You would have to talk to Pa about that’, he finally conceded. ’If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $100 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don’t know how much he gets fer Howard.....
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Little Johnny was at sunday school one day and the teacher was asking the kids where they thought Jesus was.Mary said "I think Jesus is in my heart" Paul said," I think Jesus is in heaven" But then little Johnny said" I KNOW Jesus is in my bathroom because every morning my daddy is pounding on the door yelling, "Jesus Christ are you sill in there!"
One Day in class little johnny needed to go to the bathroom and he yell out,"i need to take a piss!" and the teacher said,"Now Johnny that is not the proper word to use, the correct word is Uranate, please use the word uranate in a sentence and i will let you go." little johnny thinks for a min. and says,"your and eight but you’d be a ten if you’d let me go piss!"
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What I Want In A Man! Original List: 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises 10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32) 1. Nice looking 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 4. Listens more than talks 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal 9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries 10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42) 1. Not too ugly 2. Doesn’t drive off until I ’m in the car 3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally 4. Nods head when I’m talking 5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach 8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down 10. Shaves most weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52) 1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed 2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public 3. Doesn’t borrow money too often 4. Doesn’t nod off to sleep when I’m venting 5. Doesn’t retell the same joke too many times 6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends 7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 8. Appreciates a good TV dinner 9. Remembers your name on occasion 10. Shaves some weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62) 1. Doesn’t scare small children 2. Remembers where bathroom is 3. Doesn’t require much money for upkeep 4. Only snores lightly when asleep 5. Remembers why he’s laughing 6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 7. Usually wears some clothes 8. Likes soft foods 9. Remembers where he left his teeth 10. Remembers that it’s the weekend
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72) 1. Breathing 2. Doesn’t miss the toilet.
