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A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the > > lobby to put his name on his mailbox. > > > > While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next > > to the mailboxes, wearing a robe. > > > > The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with > > Him. > > > > As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had > > nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain > > eye contact. > > > > After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, ’Let’s > > go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.’ > > > > He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned > > against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. > > > > Now nude, she purred at him, ’What would you say is my best feature?’ > > > > Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, ’It’s got to be your > > ears.’ > > > > Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, ’My ears? Look at these > > breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my > > butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. > > > > How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?’ > >
> > Clearing his throat, he stammered.... ’Outside, when you said you > > heard someone coming.... that was me.’ > > > >
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The hair cut
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, ’I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a ’thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door..
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ’I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a ’thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ’I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a ’thank you’ card and a dozen different books, such as ’How to Improve Your Business’ and ’Becoming More Successful.’
Then, a Member of Parliament comes in for a haircut , and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, ’I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The Member of Parliament is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the Members of Parliament
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A woman comes home and tells her husband, ’Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years ? Well, they’re gone.’
’No more headaches?’ the husband asks, ’What happened ?’
His wife replies, ’Angie referred me to a hypnotist & he told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat,
I do not have a headache I do not have a headache I do not have a headache
Well, it worked ! The headaches are all gone.’
’Well, that is wonderful’ proclaims the husband.
His wife then says, ’You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years, why don’t you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that ?’
Reluctantly, the husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, ’Don’t move, I’ll be right back.’
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, ’WOW ! - that was wonderful !’
The husband says, ’Don’t move ! I will be right back.’
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning ’OH MY GOD’ she proclaims.
Her husband again says, ’Don’t move, I’ll be right back.’
With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying ....
She’s not my wife She’s not my wife She’s not my wife’
