Membership Level: Full Posts: 17263 Status: Offline
One Monday morning the Postman is walking through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Derek, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles for the recycling bin.
’Wow Derek, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,’ the Postman comments.
Derek, in obvious pain, replies ’Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and It got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I.’
The Postman thinks a moment and says, ’How do you play WHO AM I?’
’Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our ’family jewels’ showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.’
The Postman laughs and says, ’Sounds like fun. I’m sorry I missed that.’
’Probably a good thing you did,’ Derek responded. ’Your name came up seven times...
Membership Level: Full Posts: 17263 Status: Offline
A fart is a pleasant thing, It gives the belly ease, It warms the bed in winter, And suffocates the fleas.
A fart can be quiet, A fart can be loud, Some leave a powerful, Poisonous cloud
A fart can be short, Or a fart can be long, Some farts have been known To sound like a song.....
A fart can create A most curious medley, A fart can be harmless, Or silent , and deadly.
A fart might not smell, While others are vile, A fart may pass quickly, Or linger a while......
A fart can occur In a number of places, And leave everyone there, With strange looks on their faces. image0077.gif From wide-open prairie, To small elevators, A fart will find all of Us sooner or later. image0088.gif
But farts are all bad, Is simply not true- We must never forget....... Sweet old farts like you!
Membership Level: Full Posts: 17263 Status: Offline
Each Friday night after work, sun, snow or rain, Jack , being an Atlantic Canadian, would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a moose steak. But, all of Jack’s neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled moose steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The priest came to visit Jack, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Jack attended Mass, and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said: "You were born a Protestant and raised a Protestant, but now you are a Catholic." Jack’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled moose filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Jack’s yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Jack, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted:
"You wuz born a moose, you wuz raised a moose, but now you is a Codfish.
