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Quoting: john daly alan. l love the gags, you are a very brave man to send the northern joke. quite true of course. god wishes j. d.
Thanks John, I think we love a bit of a laugh now and again,and they all seem to be about us all, some way or another, I know I have had to bite the bullet a few times since I came to Australia many years ago, with you Pommie Bas##rd this and That but if you can laugh at it it helps to make the world go round
A LITTLE FLAB One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife, pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed up, we could get rid of your control top panty hose."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his "wackie." With a death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the pool man, and your brother.
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Clinton and The Pope were on the same flight and the plane crashed, killing both of them. Clinton was accidentally sent to heaven and The Pope was sent to hell. God realized the mistake 20 minutes later and transferred Bill to hell and The Pope to heaven. As they were crossing over they passed one another and The Pope said, "I’m sure glad they recognized the error, I was looking forward to meeting The Virgin Mary." Bill replied, while looking at his watch, "You just missed her about 15 minutes ago."
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A tourist from the US was driving around NZ. He was a bit tired and thought he needed somewhere to stay the night before getting to Queenstown. Then out of the darkness ran a bull, he couldn’t avoid it, drove into it and killed it. He was still able to drive the car, so feeling guilty he drove to the farm house. He knocked on the door, The farmer answered the door. The American said ’Im very sorry but I’ve killed your bull and would like to replace it.’ The farmer said ’No dramas mate, go around the back you’ll find all the cows in the shed, go for your life’
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Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. How’d you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second. "That’s awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?" "It’s very uncomfortable at first," says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it’s a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you’re sleeping. How about you, how did you die?" "I had a massive head injury," says the first man. "You see, I was sure my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one has hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I hit the top step, I tripped, fell three flights of stairs, and landed square on the back of my head. Dead." The second man shakes his head, "That’s so ironic," he says. "What do you mean?" asks the first man. "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we’d both still be alive."
