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Forces Reunited - SCOUSE HUMOUR
www.forcesreunited.org.uk >> General >> Military Stories/Jokes >> SCOUSE HUMOUR
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john daly
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Boss call Lad into Office and tells him that he is to be promoted and transferred to the Liverpool Office.
"Not Liverpool Boss, its full of nothing but Footballers and Rough Slags"  The Boss said Do you mind my Wife comes from Liverpool !!!.
Quick as a flash the Lad asks "Oh right sir and what position does she play?.


Some Polish Jokes..........................

This Pole Murphy goes into the Fishmongers, Let me have a Pair of Kippers. The shopkeepers says Sorry we do not have a pair left.   Well says Murphy, Give me two odd ones the wife won’t know the difference.


This Pole is driving a truck down the road and the Police following see him keep stopping every 10 Min’s. and bang on the side of the truck then drive on.  Curious they pull him over and ask him why.   The driver Murphy  says " I have 12 tons of Pigeons on board and this is only a 10 ton truck so i  have to keep 2 tons flying.




Polish Radio Fan is sat twiddling the knobs on his set when he gets a stabbing pain in his back,
"Mary come here i think i have got Lumbago"
 Mary says I don’t know why you bother Murphy,
you don’t speak any foreign languages....


P.S. cixazky trikxeyzi.







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10/02/2012 12:22:09
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thomas fleming
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Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank......give a bank a man and he can rob the world
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10/02/2012 16:18:57
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thomas fleming
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This is for Terry

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch-less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life.
She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times that her husband finally asks
"Are you wearing crotch-less panties?"
"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat."

He never heard the gunshot

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12/02/2012 15:54:52
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john daly
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Money saving tips.

When buying oranges at the local store always buy loose ones, peel them before you have them weihed at the checkout.

When taking a suit to be cleaned put a pair of dirty sox in each pocket before you go.

When putting up  new wallpaper use drawing pins in case you move house at a later date.
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12/02/2012 21:19:58
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thomas fleming
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THIS’LL WARM THE COCKLES OF EVEN A COLD COLD HEART
This letter was sent to the South Shields High School Principal’s office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for pensioners. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you..  This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward this to anyone you know who might need a lift today.

Dear Shields High School ,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Old Age Pensioners luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the Laygate home for Elderly Ladies. All of my family has passed away so I am all alone.... I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but, she would never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband, and understandably, wanted to keep it safe.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed to have the chance to tell her to f**k off.
Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.
God bless you all.
Yours sincerely,

Ella.  
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14/02/2012 11:10:33
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